On the Father's Day, I was invited to speak in a church on the topic "The Roles of A Father". My sermon consisted of 3 words that formed the acronym DAD: Discipline, Affection, Demonstration.
Discipline (Heb. 12:5-11)
Discipline is a must, for it is the responsibility of the father. There is a tragic story of a father who failed to discipline his sons in I Samuel 2. Eli was the leader of Israel, but his sons were wicked men, they had no regard for the Lord (2:12), they were treating the Lord's offering with contempt (2:17) and they even engaged in sexual immorality (2:22) But Eli honoured his sons more than the Lord (2:29), and he although knew about his sons' sins, he failed to restrain them, and the result was God's judgment (3:13).
The reason of discipline must not be for the father to vent his anger, but for the children's good, that they may share God's holiness (Heb 12:10). Discipline is painful at the time, but it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace (Heb 12:11). Are we indulging our children with too much material goods and comfort and trying to spare them any pain? We may be neglecting our responsibility of discipline as parents!
Affection (Eph. 6:4. Col. 3:21)
Discipline alone is not enough, we must also show affection. It is especially hard for Chinese fathers to express love to their children. The biblical exhortation "Fathers, do no exasperate your children" (Eph 6:4) and "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." (Col. 3:21) suggest that one of the fathers' roles is that of encouragement. If we are too harsh, our children may become discouraged, withdraw, and even rebellious. The way Barnabas (his name means "the son of encouragement", Acts 4:36) encouraged people like Paul (Acts 9:26-28, 11:22-26) and Mark (Acts 13:13, 15:36-39, Col. 4:10, 2 Tim 4:11) should be our example to encourage our next generation.
The most important way to show our children that we love them is to give them our time: to play with them, stay with them and pray with them. A young successful attorney said: "The greatest gift I ever received was a gift I got one Christmas when my dad gave me a small box. Inside was a note say, son, this year I will give you 365 hours, an hour everyday after dinner. It's yours. We'll talk about what you want to talk about, we'll go where you want to go, play what you want to play. It will be your hour! My dad not only kept his promise, but every year he renewed it -- and its the greatest gift I ever had in my life. I am the result of his time."
Demonstration (I Thess. 2:7-11)
Paul likened himself to be a mother (2:7) and a father (2:11), his ministry model is one of matching his life with his words. I think this is very important in parenting! A distinguished preacher and reformer related how in his early years he had often heard his father pray in the church, at the family altar, and at the family table. But it was only when he heard him praying aloud on his knees in the barn that he knew the deep reality of the religious life.
What kind of examples should we set for our children? Paul's words to Timothy, his son in the Gospel provides the answer, "You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance... continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it." (II Tim 3:10,14).
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